The Pressure to Get Your Life Back

My perspective is that someone with the type of substance use disorder that I had when I got sober should start with a getting sober job in the first year so they are learning to balance their recovery with going back into the workforce. Too much too soon can lead to relapse triggers, which defeats the purpose of trying to put their life back together. My sponsor said you can do whatever you want in recovery as long as you are willing to pay the consequences, and sometimes that can be relapse, even though on the face of it you may not think so.

That can be difficult to accept, especially if someone has an education and a history of being successful in their work. There can be an understandable desire to get back to the income, position and way of life they had before their addiction progressed. Family members may also be looking for relief from carrying the financial burden, along with everything else they have been through. All of that deserves consideration when we are trying to help someone find their way forward.

Substance addiction is an equal opportunity destroyer. Regardless of education and past work experience, being gentle with yourself and weighing what you take on against the strength and durability of your recovery is important so you have a better chance of avoiding a return to using and ripping it all down again. That is true for a C-level executive or a dishwasher. Being able to do a job and being able to balance that job with the demands and rebuilding of oneself that early recovery requires are two things we need to consider together.

There is a lot contained in the idea of a "getting sober" job. A person needs to be able to earn money, begin meeting their obligations and experience being responsible for something again. They also need the time and energy to build recovery capital by working the 12 Steps with a sponsor, developing relationships in their recovery community and consistently engaging in self-care. The hours, commute and environment they are working in all have an effect on what is available to them for the rest of their day. Someone can be capable of doing demanding work and still need a period of time where there is less being asked of them mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically while they develop that balance.

Research has found a day-to-day relationship between stress, craving and subsequent drinking during alcohol use disorder treatment. In two groups studied, stressful events were associated with greater craving, and craving predicted drinking the following day. Drug-specific research points to a similar concern. In a 2006 study following 49 people after inpatient treatment for cocaine dependence, greater stress-induced craving in the laboratory was associated with an earlier return to cocaine use during the next 90 days. I see that as a reason to take seriously what someone is carrying and how they are dealing with it. From my lived experience and my work in recovery, I believe a first-year "getting sober" job is vital. The decision for any individual also needs to account for their financial situation and where they are in their recovery in collaboration with their support community.

Layering the pressures of everyday life back in as a recovery foundation is forged and resilience is built is vital to sustainable recovery, in my experience. It gives someone time to begin understanding what happens to them when they are under pressure, how they respond to other people, and what they can do when they feel overwhelmed without having their "medicine" to help them cope. Having people in their recovery community to talk to while they are going through this gives them a chance to consider another perspective and try something different the next time.

I believe that is a substantial part of learning to live sober. You can know how to do the work and still struggle with how you feel when someone corrects you, when a coworker gets something you wanted, or when you have made a mistake that affects someone else. Being willing to talk about those things and take responsibility for your part takes practice in sobriety. There is value in having room for that practice while the responsibilities are still manageable. I have found a mindset of humility and understanding that you are in a vulnerable healing stage in the first year of recovery provides the best opportunity for long-term success.

A longitudinal study of 1,726 adults with alcohol use disorder found that changes in social networks and confidence in remaining abstinent in difficult social situations helped explain the recovery benefits associated with the 12-Step community. Spirituality and reduced negative emotions were additional pathways among the more severely affected aftercare group. Those are important parts of a person's recovery to keep attending to as work and other obligations come back into their life. Courage isn't the absence of fear, it is facing it and being able to walk through it sober, to build tangible evidence that you can do the same the next time it comes up in recovery.

There is also value in following how work develops over time. In a study of 8,925 people treated for substance use disorders in Iowa, findings for employment at intake were mixed, while increases in months employed and fewer days of work missed because of substance use were associated with better recovery outcomes over six months. I believe helping someone get to a place where they can consistently maintain their employment requires us to pay attention to how that employment fits with their recovery. Learning in recovery to show up on time and do a day’s work for a day’s pay with a good attitude helps build trust in the workplace. That consistency isn’t as common as many people think.

A well-rounded recovery plan can include many different elements to provide a holistic framework for recovery in the first year or two. Peer mentoring, clinical mental health supports, medication, medical care, dental care, spiritual guidance, family reunification and healing, intimate partner healing and rebuilding, physical and wellness activities, financial and education counseling, all can be a part of a well-balanced recovery continuum.

If nothing changes, nothing changes. For me, I had to be willing to rebuild every area of my life from the ground up. Taking the time to rebuild a life in recovery and have a new experience gives someone a chance to avoid repeating what has happened before. A definition of insanity in the recovery community is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Whatever their education or previous accomplishments, I want people to feel they can give themselves that time, that incubation, with a recovery community around them and a willingness to keep learning as they go.